Welcome to Our Newest Home Away From Home

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Three years ago, I invited you to visit, travel, cook, and grow with me online; today, I am overjoyed to open the physical doors of Denim & Damask personified and welcome you to Hyde Park Villa in Montego Bay, Jamaica.

What started as a handwritten entry of ‘bed and breakfast’ on my “Dream List” during my mid-twenties has blossomed into a passion project that exceeded what I thought possible. Candidly, there was a moment when it ceased even to be a thought, rather a forgotten possibility tucked behind responsibilities, to-dos, and day-to-day life.

The blessing: the desire had been concealed but not discarded.

The lesson: your visions are worth holding onto.

While I love trekking across the globe and tapping my feet at a great party, home is my happiest place. I’ve long been the girlfriend who hosts movie nights for the ladies, the mom spreading blankets and prepping snacks for a sleepover, and the hostess with the “mostest” cueing up a playlist, lighting candles, and delighting my family and friends with themed dinners, and game nights. At the risk of using a few overused words, my home is a vibe, a sanctuary, and a safe space all at once.

And all that I’ve poured into my private residence, I have lavished upon Hyde Park Villa. Every detail, from the embroidered robes and hand towels to the personalized placards outside of each bedroom suite, was conceived and executed with love.

There’s so much to share about the breathtaking property, the phenomenal staff, and the longstanding love story with Jamaica, but I must save something for later.

Today, let’s simply celebrate this dream made real and toast to the ones waiting for you to revisit them.

xo,

Dontrey

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Denim & Damask 2024 New Year Reads

By Dontrey Britt-Hart

PHOTO CREDIT: DONTREY BRITT-HART

Ah, I remember the days of lounging with a few good books in rotation, a hot cup of English Breakfast tea and plenty of hours to enjoy both. Life isn’t that simple anymore with running a business, raising three kids, keeping the “happy” in happily married, and still trying to squeeze in the occasional me-time.

As much as I love the written word, reading slipped to the bottom of my to-do list in 2023. But 2024, I’m committed to begin anew. In the spirit of repurposing and slowing down, I decided to shop my bookshelves at home and carve out moments to read “new” oldies that have been patiently waiting for me to pick them up and revisit some favorites that were calling my name.

This is but a snapshot of the many books on my 2024 Denim & Damask New Year reading list in fiction, travel, and cookbooks:

    ⁃    The Catch Me if You Can by Jessica Nabongo

    ⁃    Jubilee by Toni Tipton-Martin

    ⁃    The Mothers by Brit Bennett

    ⁃    Pachinko by Min Jin Lee

    ⁃    Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

by Nedra Glover Tawwab

    ⁃    Simple Cake by Odette Williams

    ⁃    Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid

    ⁃    The Valley of Amazement by Amy Tan

Reading takes us on journeys around this world and beyond, into the past, present, and future – and you know how much I love to travel. So, let’s go on this trip together. And don’t forget to share some of your favorite books with me on IG.

Celebrating Another Year of Goodness

PHOTO CREDIT: DONTREY BRITT-HART

So many of our traditions are marked with the seasons — manifesting quiet dreams in prayer at Watch Night service at the dawn of a new year; clearing out clutter and filling the house with the scent of lemons, pine and bleach in spring; road trips to reconnect with second cousins, great aunts and grandparents at family reunions in summer; and friendly football rivalries and apple picking in the fall.

Each season holds its magic and customs, but none seem to come close to the splendor of the holidays. Before the final autumnal leaves drop and leave bare the branches of trees, most of us have already started planning our Thanksgiving menus, flipped coins on who’s hosting Christmas dinner and made secret calls about who cannot make the greens or potato salad for any of the holiday dinners. (Listen. We love everybody and celebrate the inclusiveness of the season, but some things just cannot be fooled with. And you know Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve meals are on that list.)

But I digress: Let’s return to the holidays and traditions. Ours is a culture of abiding faith, devotion to family, communing through shared meals, preserving our past through oral history and art, and, to the contrary of mainstream stereotypes, it is one that values togetherness.

For generations, we have squeezed luggage and children and excitement into station wagons, Amtraks, Greyhounds and planes bound for “home” to be with the ones we love – the farmhouse where our Nanas and Grandpas brown apples with cinnamon and sugar in cast iron skillets; the high rise where our mothers and fathers still hang our childhood stockings; the cabin where our aunts and uncles taught us to bait a hook and cast a line. We gather in matching PJs to watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, This Christmas, and The Best Man Holiday, as if it were our first time. And somehow – even decades removed from childhood – we feel like a kid again.

A legacy of gratitude

On stovetops, pots rattle and hiss in tempo with Donny Hathaway reminding us “how much fun it’s gonna be together” and Stevie Wonder promising “such happiness in the comin’ year,” while those of us deemed cooks chop onions, peppers and celery; tap, tap, tap our feet; and laugh in sync. Music and food and generations of oral history stirred together, sipped slowly like still-too-warm hot chocolate. Sweet potato pies and cobblers pulled from the oven welcome loved ones long gone to revisit us through their recipes – heirlooms more precious than Sunday pearls passed down from great-great-grandmothers. We speak their names, tell their stories and punctuate each account with praise and Thank you, Lord. It is in the remembering that our ancestors are never forgotten.

Their lessons of struggle, resilience, never-a lot-but-always-enough, and making-a-way-out-of-no-way gifted us with a legacy of perseverance, gratitude and a healthy reminder to always give back. “To whom much is given, much is required.” We replay that mantra and utter it to our children as we fill carts with mittens and warm coats for families in need during the cold winters. We give because someone gave to us, always mindful of the dignity that lies on both sides.

Doorbells ring and cousins uninvited, but always welcome, pile into front doors and line shoes on the mat. Coats that won’t fit into the closets find rest in bedrooms upstairs. Tables are extended and stretched to bring everyone closer; and even when it’s tight, there is always room for family. Because that is the holidays.

It is opening our hearts to give a little more. It is calling that friend with whom you’ve not spoken to in months over . . . who-can-remember? It is looking the other way when Cousin So-and-So packs up the last corner of macaroni and cheese. It is the one time of the year where very little can break our promises to be together.

“Turn down that music and join hands around the table.” The universal call from the matriarch that it’s time to wash our hands, gather and pray. We give praise and honor to God, thanking Him for another year of grace, mercy, protection and provision. Again, we call the names of those no longer with us, leaning in and hugging and squeezing tighter the hands of those most in need. Grandpa nudges one of the youngest in the room to close us out in prayer with, “God is great. God is good,” and the older women smile at one another through half-opened eyes, nodding with approval that home training is not lost, knowing their legacy of faith and family will live on. Amen.

*This article first appeared in the Winter 2022 issue of WayMaker Journal.

Lifestyle Legend: Barbara Elaine Smith

By Dontrey Britt-Hart

As we kick off Black History Month on this 1st day of February, we at Denim & Damask found it only fitting to shine a spotlight and sprinkle confetti on a true pioneer, tastemaker and entrepreneur, Barbara Elaine Smith, affectionately known to most of us as B. Smith. As an author, TV host on B. Smith with Style, restauranteur, founder of a successful home collection line, and first Black woman to don the cover of Mademoiselle in the mid-70s, B. Smith charted a path for the growing number of multidimensional food and lifestyle professionals we see today. Thank you, B. Smith, for every door you opened, every stereotype you shattered and every space you left warmer by your presence. Though you are no longer physically with us, your light shines on and we bask in your glow.

PHOTO CREDIT: GOOGLE

Photo credit: casey kelbaugh

“I have stood on a mountain of No’s for one Yes.”

— B. Smith

PHOTO CREDIT: UNSPLASH

Entertaining with Abundance

By Dontrey Britt-Hart

Thanksgiving is only days away, and this year promises the chance to spend time with a handful more loved ones than last year. The concept of “Entertaining with Abundance” has been popping up in my thoughts time and time again, but I’m not envisioning a holiday with lots of stuff or too much food or extravagant décor. When I picture abundance, I see people gathering and sharing love; expressions of gratitude for time together; unabashed laughter; long-overdue apologies; sweatpants and sequins and stilettos and slippers all at the same table; it’s a season to be you, unapologetically; and a time to accept your loved ones as they are.

If this past year and a half has taught us anything at all, I hope gratitude is high on the list. That, and the importance of some fun, some friends, some family and a table of some delectable food. (I’ve got your back on the gratitude and the food.)

Want to elevate your Thanksgiving weekend? Greet your guests with this simple, refreshing Cranberry Noël cocktail (or mocktail). With only a few ingredients and festive garnishes, this cranberry elderflower blend will have you looking like a mixology pro.

Tart cranberries meld beautifully with the floral notes of elderflower liqueur in this simple, tasty holiday cocktail you can enjoy all year long. Add a dash of pretty with dehydrated orange slices, fresh rosemary sprigs and frozen cranberries.

Turkey might be the star of the show, but our Cajun Peppered Shrimp appetizer is the perfect opening act. And if you have any pescatarians joining you for dinner, keep a few shrimp on reserve for the main course. (Don’t forget the baguette. You’ll need a few toasted slices to soak up the peppery butter sauce.)

Give this bright, citrusy Triple-the-Taste Cranberry Sauce a try. I know. I know. There’s a serious debate about the old school, classic canned cranberry sauce that you pop open, slide onto a saucer and slice with a knife into perfect rounds of tartness versus this new school concept of making your own that’s never quite as solid in form as its competitor. In full candor, I’ve enjoyed both over the years and offer no judgment either way. There’s nothing wrong with trying something new and serving both versions at your Thanksgiving table. It’s been a staple in our home for over 15 years.

Lastly, there are a few new features on the blog, including the ability to print recipes; pin your favorite images, articles and recipes on Pinterest; and a side bar of featured posts on each page to keep you in the know of what’s new.

I’D LOVE YOUR HELP.

The downside of all of these “improvements” is the loss of all of your encouraging, fabulous, helpful comments in the Food & Festivities section, specifically individual recipes. I would be ever so grateful if you would take a few moments to drop a line, a comment, feedback on recipe or your desire to try one in the comments section.

Please share Denim & Damask with everyone you know who needs a little inspiration in their lives.

Wishing you blessings of health, joy and peace this Thanksgiving.

Hugs,

Dontrey

Mother's Day Wishes 2021

By Dontrey Britt-Hart

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The three who made me a mother . . . Jonah, Aidan and Matthew.

Welcome to May, my friends. It’s the season of slightly warmer weather, budding flowers and trees, college decision days, graduations and Memorial Day (the unofficial start of summer). Wait. I believe I missed something. Ah, yes, Mother’s Day. Doesn’t it just slide up on you sometimes, almost unannounced? Well, it’s here. In days. Four more, to be exact.

And while it is a celebratory time for women who, as Maya Angelou so poetically described, spend their days looking after their children and anybody else who needs to be looked after, it can also be a bittersweet occasion. Tough for those who never bore a child, for those who lost a child, for those whose mothers are no longer on this side of heaven, and for those with special, complicated mother-child relationships. For these individuals, Mother’s Day is one they wish would come and go as quickly as spring.

But I come today to offer a renewed perspective with the hope that we can all find the beauty in this weekend of maternal merriment.

 First, let’s reconsider what the word mother truly means. Yes, it is without a doubt the woman who gave you life. As a mom of three who is also a daughter to a mom who bore three, I would not dilute the significance of carrying a child. But I would never diminish the truth that women become mothers in many ways – through nurturing, guidance, upliftment, education and affection. It is in the looking after and the sacrificing and the loving that true motherhood is born. So, I would dare say if there is a woman in your life – genetically connected or not – who has offered these gifts to you, then she has been a mother to you. And if you have shaped the life of a child with your time and thoughtfulness and care, you have mothered. Mother is both a noun and a verb, and it is the latter that is the true hallmark of motherhood.

 We all have the capacity to give and receive love, to be of service to others, and to consider someone’s feelings over and beyond our own. And when we do this, we are living out the true meaning of the holiday. 

 This year, I ask you to lift a glass and wave a hand of praise for the woman and every woman who has ‘brought their whole selves to you,’ for they are your mothers.

 May there be much happiness on your Mother’s Day.

Hugs,

Dontrey

Mother's Day (Secret) Must-Have Wish List

By Dontrey Britt-Hart

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Photo Credit: Dontrey Britt-Hart

We’re days away from the national celebration of moms everywhere, and boy, do mothers deserve a day of recognition. Florists are stocking up on roses, tulips, hydrangeas and carnations. Grocers are stacking boxes of chocolates tied in satin and grosgrain ribbons. And retailers everywhere are screaming, “Sales! Sales! Sales!”

We’re days away from the national celebration of moms everywhere, and boy, do mothers deserve a day of recognition. Florists are stocking up on roses, tulips, hydrangeas and carnations. Grocers are stacking boxes of chocolates tied in satin and grosgrain ribbons. And retailers everywhere are screaming, “Sales! Sales! Sales!”

Perfume, slippers, facial masks. Get ‘em while they’re hot. It’s a frenzy akin to the winter holiday season without the holiday music and decorations.

So let me offer a few words of advice before you run yourself ragged: Slow down. Take a breath. And think about what the moms in your life really want: heartfelt gratitude, a moment of peace, and thoughtfulness that extends past the second Sunday in May. (OK, so maybe we’d like the chocolates and the facial mask, too, but stick with me.) With all that we as mothers pour into our children, most of us would love some affirmation that,  in the words of Tupac, “we are appreciated.” You can’t wrap this in a box or toss it in your Amazon cart, but I guarantee you that it will bring a smile to her soul.

You know your mom better than I, so you’ll need to get creative on what gratitude, peace and thoughtfulness mean to her; but I’ll get you started with a few ideas of my own: 

1.     The gift of not having to plan what to eat. Yes, I said it. Even those of us who enjoy cooking don’t want the responsibility of planning every single meal 365 days a year, so I can imagine the masses are pulling the elastic out of their cafeteria hair nets thinking about what’s for dinner, especially after a year at home in quarantine. Take the pressure away by gifting a book of Dinner’s-on-Me coupons to the Mama Chef in your life.

Photo Credit: Unsplash

2.     The gift of a TIME-OUT. Ah, you thought those were only for naughty toddlers, huh? Mamas need time-outs, too. We WANT time-outs. Present your deserving madre with at least four time-outs* of her choice to be used in the coming months. (This is obviously a gift for those with small or school-aged children at home and requires the support of a loving adult. Loving adults, this is your hint to step in and give mama a break.) *4-hour minimum

3.     The gift of technology-free time. Now we’re getting to the teenagers and young adults. Yes, you. Without Snapchat, TikTok or IG, spend an afternoon with your okaasan doing whatever she wants to do with you. Think of it as her personal “Yes Day” and you’re the genie making wishes come true.

photo credit: dontrey britt-hart

4.     The gift of a love letter. Your love language does not have to be words of affirmation to value written expressions of affection. Those scribblings of backward letters and crayon-colored hearts melted us to tears when you were young and your grown-up versions of well-typed notes or neatly written cards mean just as much today, if not more. So toss the texts this week, grab a piece of beautiful paper and craft a few lines of love to your ema.

Now that I’ve got you started on your way, the rest is up to you. Whether you call her meme, majka, manman, mutter, ibu, maminka, ahm or mzazi, just be sure to call her, give her what she’s secretly wishing for (note suggestions above) and remind her just how much she’s loved. (Feel free to toss in the flowers, too.)

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Gratitude for All Seasons

By Dontrey Britt-Hart

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photo credit: Dontrey Britt-Hart

Spring equinox arrived March 20, 2021, commemorating a fresh start – what I call our “first season of celebration” – where we are grateful for the little things later ignored in the full bloom of summer: sunny days, the emergence of green leaves and brightly colored flowers, the chance to sit outside and gather with friends.

photo credit: Dontrey Britt-Hart

It’s the time of year when school is drawing to a close and graduations, weddings and family BBQs dot the weekends on our calendars. For a few moments, we give thanks for the simple pleasures of life. Then, without warning, indifference returns, closing our eyes to the blessings in our midst.

As the cooler winds of fall blow in, so does “the second season of celebration” – the one that begins in November with Thanksgiving and ends somewhere around the New Year. Most of us are intentional about giving back – volunteering at food pantries, extending more grace on the expressways and the hallways, smiling a little more and fussing a little less, sharing our favorite family recipes of sweet potato pie, our signature pound cake and that appetizer that immediately disappears two minutes after we pull it out of the oven. We’re hosting parties and wrapping gifts. We carve out protected space on our calendars to slow down and spend time – real, uninterrupted time – with our family and friends. Yes, there is some stress, but we balance it with holiday movies under cozy blankets and late-night laughter around the kitchen table. We’re grateful. And sometimes, we even take the time to sincerely share our appreciation with those who’ve made a difference in our lives. It’s another season that comes and goes. And then we slip into the lull of winter, waiting for spring again, waiting for something to bring joy. 

This seasonal, off-again-on-again happiness is draining, depressing and, quite honestly, not how we were meant to live. So, what happens when the party’s over and the lights are turned up? James Ingram and Patti Austin asked it a better way: “How do you keep the music playing?” I’ll tell you: everyday GRATITUDE.

Sadly, gratitude has become one of those buzzwords like mindfulness, wellness and life hack. We hear it. We use it at the end of an Instagram post. We pull up our Calm or Headspace app, check our “Zen” box and move on with our day. But unlike the passing fads of diets, hemlines and hashtags, gratitude is a timeless virtue that existed long before any of us took our first breaths and will persist into days we will never see. 

Gratitude was first defined as “goodwill.” Simply explained today, it is “the feeling of being thankful.” I don’t know about you, but this is one of the first lessons I learned as a child – please and thank you. We gave thanks at dinner, at bedtime, when we traveled, when we made it safely back home and even when times were hard, my grandmother would say, “I’m gonna thank God anyway.”

To be honest, I didn’t always understand or appreciate all of the thank yous my mother and grandmother doled out during the course of a day. But with time, I came to realize that gratitude – true gratitude – is much more than words; it’s a way of being. And it’s here where happiness and kindness and forgiveness come easily. It’s second nature. It’s involuntary. It’s like breathing. But it takes practice and intention to get there. Just as we squat and plank to tighten up our glutes and abs, we have to do the work to build our magnanimous muscles, too.

So, here’s today’s “workout,” including thoughts to ponder:

-        Stop and think about the last time you called someone just to say thank you. Can’t remember? Today’s your day to pick up the phone to tell a loved one, a friend, your mother, your brother, whoever that special person is in your life how much they mean to you. 

-        When’s the last time you opened your mailbox and found something other than a bill or junk mail? A note or a card just to brighten your day? Didn’t that feel good? Now it’s your turn to spread the love: send a note of appreciation to one of your faves this week. (Handwritten notes are a dying art form, and you can’t tuck a text message away in a keepsake box.)

-        Look in the mirror and affirm yourself. If we could all be as kind to ourselves as we are to those we love most, we’d really be on to something

-        Name two things you’re thankful for at the end of each day this week.

For some of you, this may be getting a bit too warm and fuzzy, maybe even too pie-in-the-sky, so let’s get to some hard facts on gratitude. A study documented in Forbes listed seven scientifically proven benefits of gratitude – benefits that could tremendously improve your quality of life:

1.      Gratitude opens the door to more relationships. – Two of the simplest words you can say – thank you – actually makes someone more likely to seek an ongoing relationship with you.

2.     Gratitude improves physical health. – I’m not suggesting you ditch your gym membership or will never need to pop an Ibuprofen, but grateful people experience fewer aches and pains and are more likely to take care of their health than their crabbier counterparts.

3.     Gratitude improves psychological health. – It reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, ranging from envy and resentmentto frustration and regret.

4.     Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression.

5.     Grateful people sleep better. – Spending 15 minutes to jot down a few grateful sentiments before bed may help you sleep better and longer.

6.     Gratitude improves self-esteem. – Studies have shown that gratitude reduces social comparisons. Bye-bye FOMO! (Feelings of Missing Out)

7.     Gratitude increases mental strength. – Gratitude not only reduces stress, but it may also play a significant role in overcoming trauma. Recognizing all you have to be thankful for – even during the worst times of your life – fosters resilience.

With all that we’ve been through over the past 365 days, it’s safe to say that we could all use a quality-of-life booster to extend our joy beyond two periods per year. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Regardless of the season we are in – spring or fall, celebratory or challenging, close together or socially distanced, abundant or lacking – my hope is that we cherish the warmth of the sun, the chill of snowflakes and the blowing winds of change, filled to overflowing with gratitude.

A Pictorial Look Back at One Year at Home: Surviving & Thriving in Quarantine

By Dontrey Britt-Hart

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We’re at the one-year mark of having life change in ways we could never have imagined: schools, businesses, and borders closing; waving goodbye to hugs and handshakes; missing the sight of smiles; toilet paper and disinfectant becoming a hot commodity; transforming our homes into vacation destinations, places of learning, offices, health clubs and "the club." Most of us spent at least one night dancing at home with D-Nice.

I’ve told many who would listen that if a screenwriter captured all that 2020 brought our way, most would suggest ripping up the script and starting over. Pick a theme. Is it sci-fi, horror, drama or a political statement on a system that needs fixing? You simply would not accept that a global pandemic would overtake the world during a divisive election while our communities were literally being torn apart, but it happened. And somehow we’re still here.

It would take little effort for me to focus on the challenges, the loss, the toll on our collective mental health or the fear of days to come. And, be clear, those issues are real and deserving of attention. But today I choose to look back at not only what has happened, but how I am still here today – sitting at my kitchen island typing this post to all of you – healthy and whole thanks to the love of family and friends, my faith in God, a whole lot of creativity and a few good recipes. 

My prayer is that next year at this time, we will have all had more hugs, seen more smiles and come a little closer.

Quarantine Life:

10. Giving thanks.

11.   Weekly visits to Mario’s Italian Ice.

12.   Weekends in Michigan.

13.   Speaking truth.

14.   Themed parties with our family pod.

15.   New drivers.

16.   Historic elections.

17.   Summer flowers.

18.   Virtual conferences.

1. Cooking, cooking and more cooking.

2. Virtual everything: graduations, birthdays and schooling, oh my!

3. Home movie theater concession stands.

4. Escaping from the world under blankets.

5.  Masked up at all times.

6. Showing love to first responders with hand-crafted cards.

7. Was baking covered with cooking? Yes, we baked.

8. Gratitude (and more baking).

9. Drive-by celebrations.

The short of many lessons learned is the value of being still, being grateful and never taking life for granted.

We're going to get through this together.

Welcome Home

“There's a welcome mat at the door
And if you come on in
You're gonna get much more
There's my chair
I put it there
Everything you see
Is with love and care”

–  DIANA ROSS, “IT’S MY HOUSE”

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Welcome to my home! I’ve been preparing for our time together for weeks. Months, really, and I’m thrilled that you’re finally here. You’ve been asking for a few new recipes, travel ideas and that playlist from our last Zoom party, and I’ve started pulling everything together for you.

Let me show you around:

-    Food & Festivities is the place for recipes, entertaining ideas and all things party;

-    Faraway Places & Photography is your destination for travel and priceless pictures;

-    Flowers & Feelgoods blends florals, crafting, inspiration and how-tos on “creating the pretty” anywhere, especially within;

-    Fanfare & Friends is our retreat where we celebrate and uplift one another;

-    Fitness & Fun helps us to keep Food & Festivities in check.

And the music? Well, it’s played in every room, just like my opinions.

So, I know it’s the start of the new year and you’ve likely sworn off sugar, butter, flour, fried foods, adult beverages . . . (have I missed anything?) . . . but you have to take one tiny bite of these lemon blueberry scones. They’re mildly sweet and are perfect with a hot cup of tea or coffee. Did I mention they have two different types of fruit in them? That should count for something, right? You know blueberries are a super food and citrus is all the rage right now with lemon water being the “new drink” of 2021.

Well, I’m not one for discouraging a friend to blow a New Year’s resolution, so you can pass on the scone for now. But I strongly suggest you tuck this recipe away for a day when you want to treat yourself, show some love to your family or impress your friends at brunch. They’re so much easier than you’d imagine and your house will smell heavenly while they’re baking.

Bon Appetit!

Get Your AP Squad!

By Dontrey Britt-Hart

I’m sure most of us could rattle off numerous clichés, proverbs and maxims on the power of teamwork: 1. Teamwork makes the dreamwork. 2. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. 3. Many hands make light work. And the list goes on. As familiar and straightforward as these gems of truth are, we hear them and roll our eyes, chalking the words up to bumper-sticker slogans with little value. Well, the truth is while the phrases may be trite, the benefits are proven. Having an accountability partner (AP) is the secret sauce in a recipe called success.

I first heard the term “AP” in the mid-to-late 90s during a sermon by Pastor Frank Thomas at New Faith Baptist Church in Matteson, IL. This was long before #squadgoals or #mysquad because social media didn’t exist; fortunately, social networks always have. Pastor Thomas’s message conveyed the importance of having an AP to spur your spiritual growth, encourage you during times of trial, and celebrate with you during seasons of triumph. Proverbs 27:17 puts it this way, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” My AP at the time was that extra motivation on Sunday mornings when the pull of a warm bed and the thought of a 40-minute drive to church might have kept me in my PJs. Just knowing that someone was expecting me to show up gave me that loving kick in the pants to follow through on what I said I would do.

What began as a tool to strengthen my walk with Christ became a secret weapon that I wielded to slay in the gym, excel in the office and enhance my personal relationships. As disciplined, driven and dedicated as I thought I was, my game was undoubtedly elevated by having an AP. Some of you are probably saying, “I’ve got this on my own. I don’t need another person to motivate me.” And I won’t argue with you on that, but I assure you that having the right people on your squad will push you to higher levels.

Let’s use exercise as an example: outside of the extreme, get-it-done-all-the-time-no-matter-what types, how many of us put in that little bit of something extra when we’re working out in a group versus alone in front of the TV? Even if you can’t gather in person right now in light of the pandemic, you’re still likely to do more if there’s someone high-fiving you on screen, downward dogging on Zoom or waiting for your I-did-it text; simply being accountable to someone else improves productivity.

And you don’t have to limit yourself to one AP for one specific goal, because you’re not one-dimensional. I have my fitgirl APs, my ladies who cook, my former-PR-forever-friend m1 girls, my mom squad and Bible study sisters, my travel crew and my trusted inner circle. Together we have healed relationships, launched businesses, raised children, supported marriages, grieved losses, crossed finish lines, circled the globe and protected our homes. We have agreed and disagreed and found peace somewhere in the middle. (Important note: Your AP CANNOT be a “yes” person and should not support everything you do, if it’s not for your greater good.) And it goes without saying that not every acquaintance, friend or family member qualifies to serve as an AP, because not every relation is ready for your elevation. This is where prayers for discernment come in. You likely wouldn’t trust just anyone to watch your home, your pet or your child. The dreams you have for yourself – small or great – are equally precious and should only be handed over to someone you deem trustworthy, dependable, consistent and candid.

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Benefits of having an AP:

1.     Support system – With the right people at your side, you’ll have your very own cheering section to encourage you as you make progress, a sounding board to listen as you work through challenges and a voice of reason to provide honest feedback.

2.     Extra eyes on you – Knowing that there is at least one person keeping watch over you and your goals pushes you to follow through on the promises you’ve made to yourself.

3.     Clarity – When you have to explain your plans to someone else, you must clarify what those goals are and how you plan to reach them.

4.     Better productivity – Having an AP urges you to set clear deadlines and produce tangible proof of your development. 

5.     Resources – We all bring an assortment of gifts and resources to the table, so partnering with the right AP expands your access to new ideas, people and resources.

6.     Shared journey – There is power in a collective experience of wins and losses and lessons learned along the way, and this bond of sisterhood should never be underestimated. We are stronger together.

So, come on, ladies. Let’s get those #Squadgoals!

What’s in a Name?

A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.”

– Proverbs 22:1

While I’ve always been intrigued with language, words, and their meanings, becoming a mother and being charged with labeling children with names they would carry for life impressed upon me just how impactful a handful of letters genuinely are. For our oldest son, we chose a name that meant a symbol of peace – “a dove”; our middle son was “born of fire”; and our youngest was “a gift of God.”

Denim & Damask was not so literal in its becoming. Yes, both are timeless fabrics, but it was their connotations that spoke to me. Denim is rugged and informal, and while it’s now also designer, it once evoked ideas of hard work and grittiness. On the other hand, Damask is quite the opposite; it’s traditional, elegant, feminine, and swirls of fancy flourish.

Together, Denim & Damask is me. Rugged, refined, casual and formal, hardworking and elegant, gritty and graceful. It’s my family: a lone girl in an all-boys world*. It’s a mentality of kindness and strength, inspiration and creativity, seriousness and shenanigans, and faith and family. It’s balance in all things (or our best efforts, anyway).

And while we are serious about living our best lives, we try to remember not to take ourselves too seriously. When you see the name Denim & Damask, I hope your heart smiles, your belly is tickled, and your hands are itching to make some magic.

{*Roxi, our cockapoo, takes issue with me describing myself as a “lone girl” now that she’s part of the family, so please say hello to the other lady of the house.}