No Is Not a Four-Letter Word
We say yes at a cost to our mental, physical and spiritual health, failing to realize that a no to others is sometimes a yes to ourselves. And you are worth a yes.
By Dontrey Britt-Hart
I’m not sure when saying two simple letters became taboo, but responding, “No,” to a request, even in the sweetest voice, the softest whisper, or with the most dazzling smile, causes women to clutch their collective pearls.
Did she just say, “no”?
Oh no she didn’t!
Yes, she did, and it’s OK.
Somewhere between our first words and puberty, we’ve been taught, as women, to apologize too often and to say yes to everything asked of us.
“Yes, I’d be happy to take on another project.” (Even though my desk is overflowing with work.)
“Sure, I’ll pick up Johnny after school.” (Even though I have to rush my kids to an appointment.)
“It should be no problem leading up another task force.” (Even though two of my qualified colleagues have more free time than I do.)
We say yes at a cost to our mental, physical and spiritual health, failing to realize that a no to others is sometimes a yes to ourselves. And you are worth a yes. Yes, to that vacation you’ve been pining over. Yes, to that workout you never seem to have enough time for at the end of a long day. Yes, to simply having a moment to do whatever you want or don’t want to do.
Now be clear: I am not advocating self-centered, selfish thinking. It’s a beautiful thing to lend a hand to a friend, to help someone out in a pinch, and to be of service, in general. But you cannot pour from an empty cup, and being a “yes woman” will leave you depleted. Take it from me, former Ms. Yes-I-Can People-Pleaser With-a-Cherry-on-Top: giving love and time and energy and space to yourself will empower you to provide so much more to those around you.
Lessons learned on the word “no”:
No is not a curse word.
It’s not an F-bomb, nor does it require censoring or special characters to spell it out in public domains. Simply defined, it is “a word to express an alternative choice or possibility.” And who doesn’t love choices and possibilities?
“No.” is a complete sentence. Period.
Feel free to sweeten it up with a short, sincere preface, though that is not necessary. I would love to help you out, but I’m unable to take on any additional projects at this time.
No is not a tantrum.
You’re not a two-year-old acting out in the checkout line. You’re a fully-grown woman who is protecting her time, her interests and her health.
No doesn’t make you selfish or self-centered.
On the contrary, saying no allows you to practice self-care and, when you’re at your best, you can pour more into those closest to you.
No creates a space to fulfill your purpose.
If all of your time is filled making everyone else’s dreams come true, you will never be able to fully pursue the ones you have for yourself. In fact, you won’t even be still enough to hear and clearly see what those dreams are.
So, ladies, your homework for this week is to spread love, extend grace, keep moving toward that dream and say no to anything that blocks the previous three assignments.
Just say No!
Easy Like Sunday Morning
Our collective aspiration is to reclaim at least one morning of our weekend to be easy, relaxing, and centered in peace.
By Dontrey Britt-Hart
“Ooh, that's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning
That's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning!”
— Commodores, “Easy”
Raise your hands if a relaxing weekend morning sounds good. After a long week of work, meetings, completing to-do lists and adulting, it’s safe to say that we could all use a mental health break mixed with a heaping teaspoon of self-care and a side of something tasty to enjoy. I’ve got you covered on all three.
Take a minute to listen to the first few bars of Easy. Just hearing those four words – Easy Like Sunday Morning – takes me back to childhood and sleepy starts on the weekend: music by the Commodores, the O’Jays, Nancy Wilson and Billie Holiday echoing from the living room to the kitchen where my mom chopped, stirred, whisked and transformed whatever she found in the refrigerator into a feast. There were eggs seasoned with spices and scrambled with cheese, English muffins toasted and topped with jam or cinnamon rolls iced with glaze, ruby red grapefruit halves or peaches with cottage cheese, grits or rice, and something savory sizzling in the skillet. The scent of bleach and Pine-Sol lingered from the mopped floors and scrubbed sinks that were tackled before and between dishes.
As a mom of three now myself, I fully accept that there was absolutely nothing easy about my mother’s morning, and, truth be told, it was definitely not a Sunday, because the music blaring from the speakers would have been The Clark Sisters, Shirley Caesar and gospel-singing Aretha; we’d be having a quick bowl of cereal or toast; and my mom would be scrambling to get three children bathed, brushed and shined up for church (yes, the grooming experience included a nice facial rubdown of good ol’ Vaseline).
But in my imagination . . . let’s rephrase that: our collective aspiration is to reclaim at least one morning of our weekend to be easy, relaxing and centered in peace. The Commodore’s song seemed, at the time, to be the perfect anthem for this post until I focused on the lyrics beyond the chorus: it’s a break-up song. But you know what? We’re claiming the parts of the message that we want: Easy Like Sunday Morning.
So, here’s this week’s assignment for the weekend: put on your good pajamas, pull out the good dishes and treat yourself to an easy, but satisfying brunch right from the comfort of your home. (*We’ll talk about enjoying the good stuff in an upcoming post.)
I’ve pulled together a super simple brunch menu that will keep the easy-breezy in your morning without sacrificing the magic my mom used to make. After your meal, relax. Spend some “disconnected” time connecting with your loved ones. Be still. Chillax & take it easy.
Easy Like Sunday Morning Brunch Menu:
- Whipped Berry Yogurt Parfait
- Simple green salad
- Whole wheat toast or English muffins
- Tea, coffee or juice
