No Is Not a Four-Letter Word
By Dontrey Britt-Hart
I’m not sure when saying two simple letters became taboo, but responding, “No,” to a request, even in the sweetest voice, the softest whisper, or with the most dazzling smile, causes women to clutch their collective pearls.
Did she just say, “no”?
Oh no she didn’t!
Yes, she did, and it’s OK.
Somewhere between our first words and puberty, we’ve been taught, as women, to apologize too often and to say yes to everything asked of us.
“Yes, I’d be happy to take on another project.” (Even though my desk is overflowing with work.)
“Sure, I’ll pick up Johnny after school.” (Even though I have to rush my kids to an appointment.)
“It should be no problem leading up another task force.” (Even though two of my qualified colleagues have more free time than I do.)
We say yes at a cost to our mental, physical and spiritual health, failing to realize that a no to others is sometimes a yes to ourselves. And you are worth a yes. Yes, to that vacation you’ve been pining over. Yes, to that workout you never seem to have enough time for at the end of a long day. Yes, to simply having a moment to do whatever you want or don’t want to do.
Now be clear: I am not advocating self-centered, selfish thinking. It’s a beautiful thing to lend a hand to a friend, to help someone out in a pinch, and to be of service, in general. But you cannot pour from an empty cup, and being a “yes woman” will leave you depleted. Take it from me, former Ms. Yes-I-Can People-Pleaser With-a-Cherry-on-Top: giving love and time and energy and space to yourself will empower you to provide so much more to those around you.
Lessons learned on the word “no”:
No is not a curse word.
It’s not an F-bomb, nor does it require censoring or special characters to spell it out in public domains. Simply defined, it is “a word to express an alternative choice or possibility.” And who doesn’t love choices and possibilities?
“No.” is a complete sentence. Period.
Feel free to sweeten it up with a short, sincere preface, though that is not necessary. I would love to help you out, but I’m unable to take on any additional projects at this time.
No is not a tantrum.
You’re not a two-year-old acting out in the checkout line. You’re a fully-grown woman who is protecting her time, her interests and her health.
No doesn’t make you selfish or self-centered.
On the contrary, saying no allows you to practice self-care and, when you’re at your best, you can pour more into those closest to you.
No creates a space to fulfill your purpose.
If all of your time is filled making everyone else’s dreams come true, you will never be able to fully pursue the ones you have for yourself. In fact, you won’t even be still enough to hear and clearly see what those dreams are.
So, ladies, your homework for this week is to spread love, extend grace, keep moving toward that dream and say no to anything that blocks the previous three assignments.
